Say Something
by gingaloid
Summary: "Say something, please, or I'm…or I'm giving up on you." Tears spill onto her eyes as she stands in the doorway, eyes locked on his, the air heavy between them, walls crashing around them. AU. I KNOW HIS IS A WEIRD PAIRING, BUT GIVE IT A SHOT! PLEASE R&R AND LET ME KNOW WHAT YOU THINK!


**A/N: ALRIGHT, so I'm asking you all to give this pairing a chance! I'm taken with Emma and Jesse as my crack!ship, and I got an inspiration for a fic and ran with it. This is completely AU, and Emma is 27, and Jesse is 34. Some of the dialogue was partially written by my friend Tati, as I had a bit of struggle with Jesse. ALSO - there has never been a Will in this fic, so I just want to clear that up (though he may make an appearance in future installments(; )  
**

**Please R&R and let me know what you think - there will be another installment in the future as well. For anyone reading The Bells and Cop Car, I am in the midst of writing the second chapter of each, so keep your eyes open! Thanks as always for reading! -Tayma(:**

* * *

**Say something, I'm giving up on you  
I'll be the one, if you want me to**

Emma lay on the bed in the dark, her legs stuck out straight as she lay on her back, her arms crossed over her chest. Her head rolled to the side, staring out of the darkened window into the street below. The streetlamps glowed amber in the near-absent moonlight. She closed her own amber orbs against the outside world, squeezing them tight shut.

She remembered the first time they met, five years ago. She'd just turned twenty-two and she was at the Laundromat. Her tiny apartment was so small she had no room for a washer or a dryer, and presently, she was silently thanking God that it was her last year in University student apartments, which meant her last semester using a public Laundromat.

_Emma pulled her clothes from the dryer into her laundry bin, carrying it over to the folding table. She pulled out a tub of sanitizing wipes from her purse and snatched one, running it over the surface of the overused counter top. She disposed of the used wipe, waiting a few moments for it to dry before beginning the process of folding her laundry. She had her headphones in her ears, blocking out the world as she got lost in her own, thinking idly about things she wasn't even aware were passing through her mind. She was just getting into the zone when a hand tapped her shoulder. Pulling out one earphone, Emma turned to see the other hand holding one of her bras that must have dropped from the basket – the good kind that you save for that week after your time of the month when you just feel great because CONGRATULATIONS! VIRGIN OR NOT, YOU'RE NOT PREGNANT!_

"_I believe this belongs to you."_

_Her amber eyes darted up to the face of the man who'd spoken, an amused smirk on his face growing as her face turned thirteen shades of red. A shaky hand reached out and took it softly. She'd seen him around campus often enough to know that he was a graduate student, a TA for her theater class three semesters back, his name was Jesse, and he was gorgeous enough to make your heart stop by running a hand through those chestnut brown curls on top of his head._

"_Um, thank you," she bit her lip, staring into his blue eyes for a split second before snapping her eyes back to her work, awkwardly slipping her ear bud back into her ear. She added the bra into the basket and continued on with her task._

_Minutes passed, and he was still there, watching her with amusement twinkling in his eyes. When she was almost finished, Emma swallowed hard and pulled her headphones out of her ears, looking over at the man beside her._

"_Do you always creepily watch girls fold their laundry?" _

_He pursed his lips._

"_Just the cute ones."_

_Emma stared at him for a moment and then laughed, grabbing her basket, "What a line."_

_She pushed out of the Laundromat door and headed out to the curb where her car was parked on the meter, working quickly before he could walk over and take her breath away. Sliding the basket into her backseat, Emma slammed the door shut and was about to get into the front driver's seat when she looked up and saw him leaning against the hood of her car. Emma jumped a little and weighed her options._

_One: she could lock her car and walk away like she had something else to do, and hopefully he'd leave her alone._

_Two: she could quickly slide into the front seat and drive away, regardless of whether or not he was injured in the act. _

_Three: talk to him._

_After what felt like minutes, but probably lasted only about twenty seconds, Emma made up her mind to just slide into the front seat and drive away. However, her mouth opened instead._

"_Stalking is frowned upon by a majority of society – myself included," she stared him down, fighting not to get lost in his blue eyes. It was the same struggle she had when she was in his class._

_Jesse laughed under his breath, "Is it stalking if you know the person?"_

"_No, but you don't know me," Emma said, adding to herself, Well, you don't remember me._

"_Sure I do. Emma. You were in the class I TA'd for a couple of semesters ago. You auditioned for the third-level class and we told you no because your vocals are weak and breathy, and you stumbled the lyrics twice in Sondheim's Rose's Turn," he smirked when she looked startled by his recollection, "I remember those who choose Sondheim well…particularly those who insist on ruining his works with their idle dreams and wishful thinking."_

_Emma stared at him for a moment, biting her lip hard, "So you follow ex-students around and watch them do their laundry to make them feel self-conscious in their every day life so you can exact revenge on them for ruining Sondheim?" Her eyebrow twitched up just a touch._

_The corners of Jesse's lips twitched just slightly; he was amused._

"_No," he said, gesturing to the Laundromat, "I do my laundry here. Don't flatter yourself, Ace."_

"_Then go finish your laundry," Emma said plainly, unlocking her car once more. She was starting to feel embarrassed with her assumptions and she just wanted to get away. "Other people need the machines."_

_Jesse nodded, standing straight and stepping back from her car. "Under one stipulation."_

_Emma looked at him and raised her eyebrows, she rested her hand against the hood of the car and eyed him. "Oh, we're making stipulations now? I didn't know we reached that level of familiarity."_

"_We haven't, but we will," his eyes pierced hers, holding her gaze. She had to swallow hard. "Get coffee with me."_

_She snapped back to reality and shook her head a little. "What?"_

"_Get coffee with me. We're no longer teacher-student, and most people would pay with an arm and a leg for the chance to have coffee with __**the**__ Jesse St. James."_

_Emma's first instinct was to jump at the chance, say yes. She hadn't had the greatest luck with guys in her four years at university, and now a guy – a very handsome and talented one at that – was asking her out. Taking a deep breath, she met his eyes once again._

"_I'll pass." She opened her car door and slid into the driver's seat. "Thanks for the bra." A blush spread over her face as she slammed the door shut. If Jesse was surprised or insulted by her rejection, he didn't show it at all._

_Shoving the key in the ignition, Emma started the engine and was about to throw the car into gear when there was a tapping on her window. She sighed and rolled it down, giving him a resigned look, "How may I help you, Mister St. James?"_

"_I'll be back," he said simply. "And you'll say yes. Drive safe."_

_He tapped the hood of her car twice, shooting her a grin before walking back into the Laundromat._

_Emma watched him go and smiled a little bit to herself, pulling away from the meter._

The memory made tears come to Emma's eyes as she held them shut tight against the real world. Her eyelids stopped her from seeing, but they couldn't stop her from feeling, or from thinking. They didn't stop memories flooding her mind every time they argued. Closing her eyes didn't stop her from remembering the day she finally gave in to coffee with him, after two months of him "bumping into her" at the Laundromat every Sunday afternoon. It didn't stop her from reminiscing about how beautiful it was to sit across from a man five years her senior who didn't talk down to her like she was a child. He filled her with intelligent conversation, listened when she had an opposing opinion, debated with her until they were both blue in the face and agreed to disagree even though each of them believed they were in the right.

Closing her eyes didn't stop her thinking about the day they became "official," after two straight weeks of getting coffee together after her classes. Instead of coffee, Emma decided to change it up and take him to her favorite sandwich shop on the west side of town, rolling her eyes when he taunted her the whole drive there for taking him to eat common, overpriced food when he could just make one in his own kitchen for half the price.

"_You're such a pretentious jerk," Emma laughed, looking over at him as she pulled into the establishment parking lot, parking near the door. "Just come in with me and get a damn sandwich, your highness."_

_She got out of the car and waited for him to follow before going inside with him. He took twenty minutes staring at the menu board, no doubt hoping Emma would change her mind about eating at The Sandwich Shack, but when it was clear she was standing her ground, he rolled his eyes and ordered himself a Pastrami sandwich, and Emma sighed out a 'finally' before ordering herself a vegetarian sub. They stood by the counter while their sandwiches were made, Emma beating him to making the payment for their lunch, and when they were finished, she grabbed them both and headed towards the door._

"_Where are you going?" Jesse asked, his eyebrow twitching up as he watched her continue on to the door._

"_Going back to the car?" Emma turned around and gave him a look, "What, scared of a backseat?" _

_With a sigh, Jesse followed her outside, figuring he would humor her, and slid into the backseat with her. Emma reached to the front seat and turned the radio on quietly. She then settled against the backseat, sitting criss-cross-applesauce and opening her sandwich up on her lap. She took a sizeable bite of her sandwich, chewing it thoroughly before swallowing, very aware of Jesse watching her. She looked at him with a smirk._

"_Too blue collar for you?"_

_He ran his hand through his hair and shook his head a little, "Not at all. Just admiring the view." Jesse offered her a small wink before starting in on his own lunch. It was pretty good; not the greatest. He could make an infinitely better sandwich in his own kitchen, but it was edible. _

_Emma watched him for a second, smiling to herself before turning back to her sandwich. She continued smiling to herself as she ate, her expression growing slightly contemplative as they sat there. _

"_What's going on in that beautiful mind, Ace?" Jesse asked suddenly, his lips pursed against a smile at her adorable expression._

_She set her sandwich down and looked forward, licking her lips a little bit. She felt him watch as she took a deep breath through her nose, letting it out slowly moments later. Blinking slowly, Emma turned her head towards him, a hint of a smile on her face, her cheeks slightly red._

"_Am I your girlfriend?"_

_Amusement glimmered in his eyes, and they narrowed at her just slightly. "What makes you think that?" He took a bite of his sandwich, but when it became clear that she was going to answer, he set it aside, using the discussion as an excuse to not swallow down the rest._

"_You're eating a Pastrami sandwich in my backseat. We've gone out for coffee every day for the past two weeks, and you stalked me at the Laundromat for two months to get me to go out for coffee with you." A pause. "Am I your girlfriend?"_

_He crossed his arms across his chest, resting his back against the car door. "Do you want to be my girlfriend?"_

"_That's not what I'm asking. I'm asking if I'm your girlfriend," she bit her lip, "I'll be your girlfriend. If you want me to."_

**-x-x-x-**

**Anywhere I would've followed you  
Say something, I'm giving up on you**

Her eyes flew open, and she gasped in a deep breath, her eyeballs rolling around as she tried to focus on the ceiling She didn't remember falling asleep; she must have done so in the middle of her reminiscences. Her dreams were so vivid. Once her eyes focused, she looked at the clock feeling a slight pang in her chest. It was just after one in the morning. He'd gone for a walk and promised to "be right back" around three hours ago.

How did it get to this point? How did they go from being in love to arguing, at each other's throats all night? It wasn't the first night it happened, either, but something felt different about tonight's argument. It felt terrifying. It felt harsh. It felt…final.

_They were in the kitchen, finishing up the dishes from dinner, and Emma had been silent a majority of the time. They'd been together for just over five years, and with herself at 27 and Jesse at 34, Emma couldn't really imagine them going their separate ways at this point. They'd invested too much in each other, and even though sometimes it felt like she was investing much more, she understood that he still had big Broadway dreams he wanted to chase. He was still fighting for something other than them, and it was her responsibility to fight to stay together for the both of them. They were just about finished, when she noticed Jesse's hand waving in front of her face._

"_Emma," he smirked. "You still with me?"_

_She shook the fog from her brain and nodded, smiling a little. _

"_Yeah, sorry. I was in Emma Land," she said with a small laugh._

"_Anything interesting?" He reached for her, pulling her against him. His arms snaked around her tiny waist and he leaned down to kiss her softly, pulling away and locking his blues onto her ambers._

"_Why don't you live with me already?" She blurted the question before she could stop herself, and her breath caught in her chest, waiting for a witty remark from him. But the remark never came._

_He stood, frozen, reaching one hand up to run through his hair, smoothing it slowly, the hand traveling from the top of his head, down the back of his skull, running across the nape of his neck, and completing its journey at his mouth, tracing his lips slowly._

_Jesse's silence washed over Emma like rejection and she stepped back, whispering "Unbelievable."_

_This wasn't the first time she'd asked Jesse to live with her, and it wasn't the first time she'd received a similar response._

_Dashing out to her room, Emma closed the door behind herself, moving to lay on her bed. She heard him calling after her, and then his footprints moving determinedly towards her bedroom. There was no knock on the door, just the sound of the knob turning, then light flooding into the darkening bedroom. She heard the door close, and again they were plunged into darkness, save for what little light was filtering in from the moon through her opened window. _

_Jesse slid onto the bed behind her and snaked his arm over her waist, kissing the back of her head softly, "Look, it's not that I don't want to live with you, Em, but you know me. I need an escape from everything and everyone sometimes. I can't let go of that solitude, not completely."_

_Emma pushed his arm off of her and she sat up, whipping around and looking at him. "Well when can you let go of that solitude, Jesse? Goddammit, this is NOT the first time I've asked you to move in with me, and this is NOT the first time that you've stared at me blankly like I'm an idiot, and chased me down, promising me that you want to live with me, but you can't because you're not ready to let go of your solitude." Tears welled in her eyes and she took a deep breath, "It's been five years! When am I going to be enough for you?!"_

"_I love you, Emma," Jesse said, looking up at her with a clenched jaw, his features set. "No matter where I live, that's true. I practically live here, anyways, so I don't see what the big deal is. Maybe I'm just scared of fucking this up and moving too fast!"_

"_Moving too fast? Moving too fast?" She sighed a little bit, pinching the bridge of her nose, trying to hold back tears. "Jesse, you yourself just said you practically live here. What do you think is going to happen if you actually did live here? The exact same things! Nothing is going to change! I know I can be difficult and high maintenance – we both can – but it's been five years, there's no moving too fast at this point."_

"_But I still have the choice to go home," Jesse said plainly, looking at her. "I can go home and not worry about anything or anyone. I can just be Jesse, and I need that solitude, without another breath or soul. If I moved here, I would have to give that up. I am not good at feeling for an extended period of time, and living with you would make me do that. It terrifies me, and excites me, and I want to do that, but I have to work through the fear, Emma." He paused, clenching his jaw muscles and letting out a frustrated sigh. "I don't want to lose myself in this. I could lie in bed and stare at you all day and count every freckle you had…and I'm not accustomed to wanting to do that at all. I need patience and I need personal time. You know that, Emma. You know that I can't always be loving and caring and attentive to you. I can't. I don't mean to be cold and mean and disconnected from you, but I just am. It's who I have always been."_

_Emma listened to him and the tears built up and silently spilled over, staining her cheeks with fresh tracks, each new trail stinging with his words. "Well I'm sorry to hear that," she said through a strained throat, "because getting lost in this," she gestured between herself and him, "is all I want to do." She pushed herself up from the bed and swallowed hard, "I know you can't always be loving and caring and attentive. You've always been cold and mean on some level, and trust me, Jesse St. James, I have never felt more disconnected to anyone in my life lately." She tucked her hair behind her ear and walked towards the door speaking somewhat resignedly, "Just…God, just take your personal time. Message loud and clear. Finally. After five years," she paused and turned to look at him, "Just know that I'm not going anywhere. Whether you're an ass or not, I'm twenty-seven years old. So I'm in this for the long haul, but if you're not, then you need to be the man you claim to be, suck it up, and tell me." She closed her eyes and walked out of the bedroom, closing the door behind herself and heading to the living room, needing her own "personal space."_

_Moments later, not even fully out of the hallways, Emma heard her bedroom door get thrown open, slamming back against the wall and Jesse storming down the hall, clearly angry. _

"_Did I say I wasn't in this for the long haul, goddammit, Emma? Did I fucking mention your goddamn age? No. You're the one that keeps throwing it in my face like you're a fucking time bomb. If you're so insecure about your age – which is only seven years younger than myself, might I add – there's nothing I can do about it aside from continuing to be with you! I'm sorry that you're so focused on making sure I stick around, but maybe you should consider the fact that this whole serious relationship thing is new to me, too. Did you ever consider that?! Hm?" He sighed and looked at her. "It kills me sometimes how badly I want to get lost in you, but I refuse to act in it because when I have to go learn my lines for an audition or learn a new song, I don't want to forget myself in you. I don't want to become someone I'm not, and if you can't understand that – understand that I'm a certain way, and I always will be, then I don't know what the hell I'm doing here."_

_Emma watched as he stormed down to the hall closet, yanking out his coat and tugging it onto his person, wrapping his scarf around his neck, shoving his hands into his gloves._

"_So that's it?" She asked, her vision blurred from tears building in her eyes, "You're mad so now you're going to walk out? Is that how this is ending?"_

_A pause._

"_Don't be stupid," Jesse said, looking over at her. "I'm going for a walk. I'll be back." She closed her eyes as he moved forward, quickly kissing her forehead, his hand cupping the back of her head momentarily. Then he was gone and he took all of her certainty with him._

**-x-x-x-**

**And I am feeling so small  
It was over my head  
I know nothing at all**

As the seconds ticked past, Emma watched the red numbers on the clock face, the colon between the hour and the minutes blinking, keeping time as each fraction of a minute passed. She stared, mesmerized by the little blinking dots, her mind whirling. She didn't know what to do anymore. Her mind was reeling, and no matter what she did to think of anything but arguing, her mind kept circling around to an argument she and Jesse had two years prior, sitting in his apartment, watching _Gypsy_ on his large TV that he rarely used unless she was coming over.

_They'd been sitting there, and were about halfway through the DVD, starring Bette Midler, when Jesse let out a sigh. Emma leaned into his side a little bit more, shifting her head from his shoulder so she could look at his face._

"_Do you miss it?"_

"_Miss what?"_

"_Broadway. Working to get to Broadway. I know you're planning on trying to go for it again. You talk in your sleep." Emma smiled at him a little._

"_First of all, I do not talk in my sleep," he said haughtily, glancing over at her slightly. "Second of all, of course I do. That really is a stupid question, Emma. That is my life," he gestured towards the television, his eyes still glued on the scene._

"_Then why aren't you there now?"_

_He was silent, and for a moment, Emma thought that he wasn't going to answer her. It surprised her when he reached forward and grabbed the remote, pausing the DVD and shifting to look at her. He grinned at her, reaching to tuck her hair behind her ear gently. It was always falling in her face, and he hated it when it happened because it hid her eyes from him._

"_I can't ask you to move and uproot your life for me. Being apart would be difficult," he pulled his glasses off, running a hand over his face. "I've been in contact with agents, I'm keeping up with audition opportunities, but none of them have seemed promising," he shrugged a little. "If there was one that caught my eye, I would have told you."_

_Emma stared at him after this, taking everything into consideration before speaking cautiously. "Jesse…do you think…do you think maybe you haven't found one that's promising because you're scared, but you're saying it would be due to the relocation? Maybe you're a little scared because if you audition, they have the chance to tell you no, that you're not good enough, so none of them seem promising because you're not ready for all that rejection."_

"_Someone reject me?" Jesse contemplated this for a moment, and then snorted. "They'd be idiots if they did. And frankly, should I be rejected, it's part of the experience. That's showbiz, kid. If that was why I wasn't trying anymore, then I wouldn't be in the industry at all." _

_Emma just nodded, unsure of what to say beyond that. She toyed with her fingers a little bit, chewing on her lower lip. Minutes of silence passed, and her eyes flicked up to find him staring at her contemplatively, boring into her, considering her almost._

"_What?"_

_He sucked in a breath, pulling one of her hands towards him and lacing his fingers with hers, giving it a gentle squeeze. "I'm actually afraid that if I go, I'll get the part and forget you and us entirely. I'll zone into the production, and I know myself. I'll get completely caught up in New York, and myself and my selfish nature."_

"_I know that if you go, you will probably get absorbed in it and forget all of this. I know," she smiled at him softly, "so what if I came with you?" She rested her chin on his shoulder and leaned in, kissing his cheek softly, her eyes moving to meet his._

_Jesse paused and looked at her, "Do you want this, Emma? Do you really want this? This relationship and my disconnectedness? My need to be a part of something that makes me great?"_

"_Of course I want this, Jesse, but I want you to follow your dreams, too. I got to follow mine; I got my degree in Counseling Psychology. Why shouldn't you follow yours?"_

"_Emma, I will follow them. But I want to take you into account as well. I want you around, I want this to work. I want both."_

_Emma smiled widely, her lower lip caught between her teeth as she sat up straight, looking him in the eyes. "Then let's go to New York! You can follow your Broadway dreams, and I can open a practice, and we can get an apartment together and we'll be a dream chasing team. You and me."_

"_Emma, if I…if I went to New York, I would need to focus on Broadway. On roles. I just told you, I'll forget everything, I'll get lost in myself."_

"_Yeah, and I'll be there to pull you out of it and balance you out," she shrugged her shoulders a little bit._

_Jesse crossed his legs, foot balancing on his thigh as he looked at her. He seemed relaxed, a hand nonchalantly lifting to his face, gently biting his pinky nail. His leg began to shake just slightly as he considered how to get across what he'd just meant by everything._

"_There would be no balancing, Em," he said as softly as he could, his eyes boring into hers, his hand moving from his mouth as he realized what he was doing._

"_But we just said. You asked if I really wanted this, and I said yes, let's go to New York."_

_His eyes closed and he pinched his nose, taking a deep breath through his nose. "Emma, there would be no us going to New York."_

"_What do you mean?"_

"_I mean there would be no us in New York!" His jaw clenched and he threw himself up from the couch, spinning to look at her, arms crossing over his chest. "Do you not listen to a word I fucking say? Goddammit! If I go to New York, I'm GOING TO NEW YORK. There won't be balancing out, there will just be you alone, watching me zone in on my project, feeling neglected because I cannot be attentive to you and to my dreams at the same time! Not now! Not yet!"_

_Jesse's tone startled Emma and she stared at her lap while he spoke, doe eyes wide as what he said sunk in. He loved her, but not enough to take her to New York. Not enough to let her be a part of that. He loved her, but he was saying he still loved Broadway more._

"_Can't I be one of your dreams?" Emma whispered quietly, her eyes traveling up to his face. She felt like she was clueless to everything and that was the only question she could form._

_He stood there and laughed a little bitterly under his breath, his head shaking slightly as he turned and walked from the apartment. She closed her eyes and hung her head, feeling smaller than she ever had around him before._

**-x-x-x-**

**And I will stumble and fall  
I'm still learning to love  
Just starting to crawl**

"_You know, you're shit at this whole boyfriend thing sometimes."_

_Emma was seated in the passenger side of Jesse's black '64 Chevrolet, her feet propped up on the dashboard, which she knew pissed him off, but she didn't care. She was pissed at him first. _

"_Please tell me how this is my fault, Emma. Please. Enlighten me." His lips were pursed and he stared out of the windshield on the way to her apartment, focusing on the road through the rain._

"_When your girlfriend is defending her thesis for her Doctorate? You go. Especially if she's one of your former students? You go." She glared at him, "You don't miss that."_

"_And how the hell is it my fault that I couldn't make it?" His jaw clenched and his eyes darted over towards hers, signaling slight boredom already._

_Emma laughed bitterly, "Couldn't make it? No, Jesse, you just chose not to."_

"_I had a class!"_

"_You have a TA! You're an actual professor now! You have a TA who could have taken over for you, and you could have been there. You should have been there."_

_Jesse sighed, "No, Emma, I could not have my TA take over for me, because my TA isn't me."_

"_Jesse, that is the POINT! Your TA isn't you, because then you don't have to BE THERE!" Her head shook and her bottom jaw jutted out momentarily, annoyance written all over herself, "You know, you have such a high opinion of yourself. You think you're so great and charismatic and talented that nobody could possible learn the art of acting if you're not the one teaching them. Well let me be the first to inform you, Jesse St. James, that your classes can get on without you, and they can learn how to laugh on cue just fine with or without you there. They don't need __**you**__. But your girlfriend? Yeah, she needed you, and you weren't there."_

_The car was hardly stopped outside of her apartment building, but Emma had the door flung open and was out of the car, whipping around to look at him, "AND YOU DIDN'T EVEN ASK HOW IT WENT!" She screamed over the rain, turning around and starting to stalk towards her building. _

_There were doors slamming and when she was halfway across the grass to her gate, she heard her name shouted out into the rainy air. She paused and turned around, facing him, hurt clearly on her face. He was chewing his lip contemplatively, his brow furrowed. He reached up to brush his bangs out of his face as the rain began soaking them._

"_I'm not good at this!" Jesse called out. He took a step forward when she did nothing but stand there, arms crossed. "I'm not good at the relationship thing! I've never really been in one before. Not like this. Not like with you. Love has never been a priority to me. I never cared about anyone enough to try and incorporate them into my life and my goals. Because it's just that – my life and my goals. But with you…Emma with you it's different. I'm learning, and I'm working at it, at trying to incorporate you more. I'm trying to be less selfish. It's not going to be an over night thing, I know that. It's been a year and a half and I'm still struggling. But I'm trying! For you. Because you're everything that's beautiful and good in this world, Emma."_

_Emma blinked at him through the rain, pushing her wet locks out of her face. She ran her tongue over her lips, tasting the water collected on them, retracting her tongue and pulling her lower lip between her teeth. She stepped towards him, stopping a couple feet away, squinting at him through the falling water. "Do you mean it?"_

"_Yes," he grinned at her, a hand moving up to run over his hair. A sigh escaped his lips as his eyes locked onto hers. "Emma…there's something about you that just feels like home. The way I can bury my face into your hair and just breathe you in and be alright. I don't…like things affecting me that way. I don't. But you, it was like this slow haze that enveloped my senses and I didn't know what was happening or why. You caught me off guard, Emma, and I'm never caught off guard. But you saw through all of my bullshit." He paused, taking her in as she stared at him with wide, doe eyes. "I've never distrusted myself. Even when I don't try, I vomit gold. I know this. But with you…you're so wise. So smart. So beautiful. You have this simmering, quiet confidence about you that I can't help but admire. It's not loud like mine, but it is undoubtedly there. The conviction you have radiates off of you, and I – I'm completely drawn to it." _

_Tears welled in Emma's eyes at his words. She knew it was hard for him to admit to that, to feel such intense feelings that weren't part of a character he was working on. She swallowed, and whether or not he could tell she was crying, she wasn't sure. Hopefully tears mixed with rain and masked it._

"_Jesse…God, I don't know what to say."_

"_Good." A beat. "I love you."_

_Emma's heart skipped a beat and a smile jumped to her face. "I love you, too."_

_Jesse grinned widely, reaching out and cupping one side of her face, running his thumb over it softly. "I know."_

"_Forever?" Emma asked, biting her lip softly._

"_Don't push it." Jesse closed the space between them, wrapping his arms around her waist. He leans in and captures her lips in a kiss, running his tongue along her lower lip, removing the water that collected there before their lips met. She smiled against his lips, moving hers against his expertly; comfortably. They melted into one another, and he relents to her wish, murmuring against her lips, "Forever."_

_She pulled away, from the kiss, looking into his eyes, her lips a mere inch away from his, "I made you looooove me," she sang in a sing songy voice._

_Emma felt him let go of her, rolling his eyes fondly at her, "Here we go…" he grinned at her and she giggled._

"_You loooove me! You really loooove me! Foreeeeeever, you said you looooove me!" She smiled at him widely, her lower lip caught between her teeth once more. He moved to walk away from her nonsense, but she grabbed his arm and looked up at him, shaking her head, "I'm not done yet."_

_Her fingers grasped his shoulders and she looked into his eyes. Slowly, she leaned in and brushed her lips against his softly, teasingly. She laughed against his lips, but her laugh was silenced by his lips crashing into hers, Jesse's arm snaking around her waist and holding her flush against him, his other hand carding through her soaking wet ginger locks, cupping the back of her head as his lips moved with hers._

_Emma kissed him back just as fiercely, her arms wrapping around his neck as he lifted her from the ground by the arm at her waist. She wrapped her legs around his waist, savoring the feeling of being so close, and the sensation of kissing him in the rain. The man she loved…the man who loved her._

_Minutes later, they broke apart, both in desperate need of air. She licked her lips and rested her forehead against his, smiling a little to herself as she heard him mumble quietly, "I'm still learning to love, Emma. I'm going to stumble and fall now and again. I'm telling you now because I won't say it again."_

_Emma nodded and closed her eyes, whispering quietly, "Okay."_

**-x-x-x-**

**Say something, I'm giving up on you  
I'm sorry that I couldn't get to you  
Anywhere I would've followed you  
Say something, I'm giving up on you**

The memories ran through Emma's head before she could stop them. When at last she remembered their first I love you, it kept replaying in her head over and over again until it was all she was seeing anymore. It replaced the arguments and the hurtful words circulating in her head, so all she heard was I love you repeatedly.

It was during this time that she felt the bed next to her sink down, and the faint smell of cinnamon tickling her nose, letting her know that Jesse was back and beside her. She glanced at the clock. 2:45am. She sighed. Where was he for so long? Emma remained silent, deciding whether or not she wanted to be pretending to sleep, but after he'd been in bed for fifteen minutes without a word, she sighed a little.

"Where were you?" She asked quietly, her head rolling to look at him. He was looking at the ceiling, arms crossed over his chest and legs crossed at the ankles. One of his legs was jangling slightly.

"I told you I was going for a walk."

"Where do you walk around here for almost five hours?"

He cleared his throat, and clenched his jaw. Emma stared at him for a few minutes, shaking her head slightly.

"You need to say something," she said quietly, looking up at the ceiling.

"What is there to say, Emma? I've told you everything I can possibly think of to get you off of my back about moving in together."

"This is the New York discussion all over again," she bit her lip, closing her eyes and covering her face with her hands. "How has nothing changed? We've been together for five years, Jesse. How has nothing changed?"

She slowly moved her hands from covering her face, pushing them up into her hair. Her fingers curled around chunks of her hair and she held her hands there waiting for a response. When he spoke, his voice was cold, devoid of emotion.

"I told you from the beginning that this was me. I said I could be mean and cold and disconnected. I can't always cater to your wants and needs, Emma. Nothing has changed in the past five years, because nothing was ever going to change to that extent."

Emma flew into a seated position, looking down at him, "What about what you told me about love never being a priority before me, but now that you're with me, you're making an effort. You're making love a priority. You're trying to incorporate me. To make me a part of everything – what happened to all of that, Jesse?"

She heard a growl deep within Jesse's chest before he spoke through clenched jaw, "What is there to incorporate you into? Hm? I never went to New York, Emma. I haven't hit the Broadway stage yet, Emma. Because New York would have been too far away and too difficult to be without you. So instead of going, I stayed here. For you. So there is no incorporating."

"Don't you dare blame this on me," Emma stood up, staring him down, "I'm sorry that I couldn't get through to you. I'm sorry that I couldn't earn all of your trust and love and compassion. I'm sorry that I am not enough for you, that you would put me on an equal ground, or ahead of, your Broadway aspirations. I'm sorry that you can't accept that you fell in love with someone, Jesse, and you're scared. And you've been scared for five years, and you've been running and you're still going to run as long as your legs can carry you, and as long as I'm right beside you." She felt tears in her eyes and she shook her head, "Well you know what? I told you repeatedly to follow your dreams, and I would follow you. Anywhere. _Anywhere_ in the world, Jesse, I would've followed you! And you know that! You know that! You know that and you told me no every single time, so do not blame me when it's you who stood in your own damn way! It's you who is almost 35 years old, still stuck in Ohio, not me, because I've tried everything to get you to New York and take me with you."

She sniffled and took a deep stuttering breath, standing by the bed. They stared at each other for a few minutes, but still, he said nothing to her for ten minutes.

"Say something." Still nothing. "Jesse, say something, please."

"Emma, there's nothing to say," he stood up and looked over at her. "I think it's best if I go home. To my apartment."

Emma stood there in shock, watching as he walked out of her bedroom, down the hall and out of the front door. She sat down on the bed, taking deep, stuttering breaths, trying not to cry.

**-x-x-x-**

**And I will swallow my pride  
You're the one that I love  
And I'm saying goodbye**

It had been three days since Jesse walked out of Emma's apartment. She hadn't tried to contact him, figuring he needed his personal space, and Jesse hadn't tried to contact Emma. She had no idea what in the world he was doing for those three days, but Emma was thinking.

She thought about the past five years of her life, and how much she loved Jesse. How it hurt her heart to think of how much she loved him, and how it hurt her heart so much more to think of how much life would suck without him. Emma supposed it was crazy to think that someone who started out as your TA Sophomore year could end up being the love of your life. Sometimes she just thought it was crazy that she was with someone who was in second grade when she was born, and he was already mastering tap dance.

Everyone always said that women felt things differently than men, that they felt deeper. Realer. Their feelings were stronger and they stood by those feelings like they stood by their convictions. She knew that it was true now. It was like even when they weren't near each other, she could feel him because she loved him and knew that he loved her. But then at times, no matter how often he told her don't doubt it, she wondered if he loved her.

She was forever trying to make sacrifices. She was always trying to make an effort and make sure they were together and accommodating each other. She was pushing him constantly to be the best version of himself, to go for what he wanted, to believe in himself. She couldn't figure out why he had such a hard time reciprocating.

By the third day, Emma was tired. She was done thinking, and she was done feeling. She just wanted to be cold and disconnected for once. She wanted to be able to feel the way Jesse felt and just block everything out. But she was Emma. So she couldn't.

The sun had long since set when Emma walked out of her home and to her car. She slid into the driver's side of the car, taking a deep breath, pulling away from the drive way and heading over to Jesse's place. The drive was uneventful and felt empty and hollow. Arriving at his place, she parked in the lot and sat for a few minutes, staring up at the stars through the windshield. She prayed for strength and kindness. She prayed for perseverance and the ability to be bold.

Emerging from the car, Emma walked to the stairs, climbing up to the very top and walking over to Apartment 14. She swallowed hard and knocked on the door three times. She heard the jangling of the chain, and then the locks being undone, and the door opened.

There he was, standing in front of her. He didn't look surprised to see her standing there, and if she was honest, she thought she'd caught a glimpse of happiness in his eyes, the faint upward twitch of the corners of his mouth.

"Ace," he said quietly.

The nickname alone was enough to run her resolve, but she pushed through the feeling that her knees were buckling beneath her, and she grabbed the doorjamb. "Do you have a minute?"

"For you?" He asked, smirking, "All the minutes in the world."

Jesse turned to walk into this apartment and Emma followed, stepping just inside the door. She closed it behind herself and stayed in the foyer. The sterile, harsh environment made her feel the coldness she'd prayed for three days to come to her.

"You can come in further than that, Ems, I don't bite," he offered her his hand and she shook her head.

"I need to speak." She waited, and when he nodded to continue, she nodded and took a breath. "Three days ago, you walked out on me. You left me alone at three in the morning, wondering what I did wrong, and how it escalated so quickly from move in with me to you blaming me for not being in New York. And for three days, I've waited for you to call me or text me, and let me know that you're okay. That you've had your personal time. That it's okay for me to contact you. Three whole days, and nothing. I hear nothing, and I come over here, expecting God knows what to find you opening the door and calling me Ace and promising me all the minutes in the world?" She shook her head. "I've spent three days thinking over the past fives years of our lives together, and agonizing over the fact that either I'm hurting with you or I'm hurting without you!"

She looked up, finding him chewing his cheek in that way that he did and she swallowed, taking a deep breath and continuing, "I would have followed you anywhere, I would have helped you, I would have given you space if you'd told me you needed time to run lines, I would have made a great home for you, and I would have made sure you had dinner waiting after rehearsals and breakfast ready before an audition. I pride myself in being a hard worker and in putting forth effort where it is needed. I pride myself on never giving up."

Her lower lip quivered and she reached a hand up, pressing her fingers to her lips as she blinked tears away. She swallowed hard and looked up at him, shaking her head.

"But after three days, I realize it's time. For me to swallow my pride. I love you, Jesse. I do. So much. But, they say if you love something, let it go. You're the something that I love. So…I came here to say goodbye." Her brow crumpled as she fought against more tears, breathing slowly.

She saw hurt cross his face for a flicker of an instant, and then his face set, his jaw clenched, and his hand moved to rub the nape of his neck. His head shook just slightly and she watched as he looked up at her.

Emma could see it in his eyes that he wanted to say something. It was on the tip of his tongue, but he wasn't speaking. He wasn't saying anything. He wasn't talking to her still. Her hand pressed against her mouth, her eyes begging him to speak to her and tell her what was on his mind. She felt like she was going to be sick.

"Jesse, please…say something, or I'm walking out of that door…"

**Say something, I'm giving up on you  
And I'm sorry that I couldn't get to you  
And anywhere I would've followed you (Oh-oh-oh-oh)  
Say something, I'm giving up on you**

Jesse stood in the foyer, feet away from the woman that he loved, the only woman he'd loved so purely. So selflessly. When she arrived, he assumed they were going to patch it up like they always did. Dinner and a musical in the DVD player, he'd play with her hair and she'd question him about different parts of the musicals and what he liked and didn't. He assumed that the other night was just a small thing, but he knew Emma and he knew there were no small things with Emma. Just some things a little less significant than others.

"_But after three days, I realize it's time. For me to swallow my pride. I love you, Jesse. I do. So much. But, they say if you love something, let it go. You're the something that I love. So…I came here to say goodbye."_

He heard her speaking and things started to crumble. For the first time since he'd been with her, he looked at her and heard noise. He looked at her and heard crashing and burning, the world collapsing around him, walls caving in. And there she was, standing in the center of the rubble, begging him to say something to her, to let out what was on the tip of his tongue.

Jesse could see it in her eyes as she stood there, so tiny, but trying to be so big and so strong. Tears quivering in her eyes as she pleaded for him to speak.

"_Jesse, please…say something, or I'm walking out that door…"_

He wants to tell her that he loves her, and he's sorry. That he's the one who should be swallowing his pride, but neither of them should be saying goodbye. He wants to tell her that he loves her. That his mind is crazy, but when he's around her, everything is quiet, and everything is her. When she's around, there's a calm in the storm that is his being, and it feels like for a while, the storm's blown over.

He sees her standing there, pleading, and he wants to speak, but he…just can't.

"Jesse, say something! Say something!"

She can hear the panic in her own voice, the frantic tone as she feels their world crumbling around her. All their fights rolling through her brain as she stares at him, standing there completely stoic, staring at her, words in his eyes, but none on his tongue. His arms hang limp at his sides, and he makes no move to speak, but she can't accept that they're giving up on this.

"Say something, please, or I'm…or I'm giving up on you."

Tears spill onto her eyes as she stands in the doorway, eyes locked on his, the air heavy between them, walls crashing around them.

_**Say something, I'm giving up on you.  
Say something...**_

* * *

_**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN EMMA PILLSBURY OR JESSE ST. JAMES. THEY ARE CHARACTERS OF RYAN MURPHY AND GLEE, I SIMPLY USE THEM AS INSPIRATION. SONG BEING USED AS FIC INSPIRATION IS SAY SOMETHING BY A GREAT BIG WORLD. **_


End file.
